Pines of Rome

We snagged free parm last night at Pines of Rome upon an invitation to grab some "pedestrian" Italian food with the Schneidermans*** in Bethesda. Unfortunately, we had to settle for eggplant and veal in the absence of chicken (and yes! I tried the veal).

Upon my first glance at the menu, I noticed the major gap in the entree section - there was no chicken listed! Veal parm? Sure. Eggplant parm? Of course! But chicken parm was simply not an option - even Peppe, the attentive waiter who has known Rob since he was 6 weeks old, was unable to deliver on our request for some CP despite the continued pestering from the table.

On the bright side, though, the eggplant parm was delicious (and free!) and so was the veal parm and the white pizza and the red pizza and the fried zucchini with lemon and the pasta and the giant piece of special rum cake and the...[enter food coma just thinking about the amount consumed (note to self: do not eat 24 hours in advance of a dinner with the Schneidermans***)]

***NOTE: NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT.

Which came first - the chicken or the eggplant?

Otello was low on my list of places to try because the dinner menu does not even list chicken parm (I know, a shande!). However, the gods of parm were smiling down on us tonight as we entered Otello - chicken parm just happened to be on the specials board! But this was not your everyday chicken parm. "Why was Otello's parm different from all over parms?" you may ask. Well, this parm was actually topped with eggplant, and THEN parmed, creating what I have now coined a "chickplant" parm. I'll give the chef some points for creativity here, but then i'll take them right back for not breading the chicken!

**Notably, we also let the waiter choose another special for us - rigatoni with four cheeses - and topped it all off with a cannoli (yes, I have come to terms with the inevitable weight gain that comes with constant consumption of Italian classics), but the non-CP food was simply delish, and once you've gained 10 lbs, what's another 5?

Oh, and for the record, eggplant parm came first (apparently, the Sicilian dialectic word "parmiciana" refers to 'the slats of wood which compose the central part of a shutter and overlap in the same manner as the slices of eggplant in the dish.')

Cost: $$$
Portion: 2
Chicken: 2.5
Breading: 0
Sauce: 2
Cheese: 3
Pasta: 2
Accompaniments: 4
Overall value: 3

Manny and Olga's

Don't be tempted by the pricetag and the free-and-fast delivery at Manny & Olga's. What a disaster! The food tasted worse than sand, which I could get for free, and ended up in the trashcan after a bite and a half. Just say no.

Cost: $
Portion: 3
Chicken: 1
Breading: 1
Sauce: 2
Cheese: 1
Pasta: 2
Overall value: 1

Buca di Beppo

So, I heard a rumor that Buca di Beppo used prosciutto in its chicken parm. FALSE. You may find prosciutto in the veal parm, but the cp is wonderfully kosher and prosciutto-free, not to mention delicious! Plus, included in the price of your parm is a guided tour of the whole parm-making facility! What a treat!

(And, even though its a massive chain, Buca di Beppo gets extra points for its tasty, sharable, and affordable salads and pastas - any shape, any sauce!)

Cost: $$$
Portion: 4
Chicken: 4
Breading: 4
Sauce: 4
Cheese: 4
Pasta: 4
Overall value: 4

Parming with another man

Celebrated Ben's last night of lawlessness at Famous Luigi's with a cheap bottle of Chianti and some good ole' CP. Luigi's was (almost) exactly what I'd been looking for: a real, "old"-school Italian place started by a real, old-school Italian, but my memory of the parm might be clouded by the bad Chianti.

Cost: $$$
Portion: 3
Chicken: 4
Breading: 4
Sauce: 3
Cheese: 3
Pasta: 3
Overall value: 3.5

Tesoro

Have you ever eaten at a Days Inn? Neither had I, until we came upon Tesoro, which is actually a quite elegent restaurant hidden behind the facade of this inner-city chain motel...(I know, weird.).

The first disappointment came when we looked at the menu only to find that the prices were not the same as the prices published on the website. Still, we ordered the chicken parm along with Rob's usual white pizza.

But, to our dismay, the wrong pizza landed on our table, and the CP was served cold. Upon our request to heat it up, the chef decided to flop it onto a tray, MICROWAVE it, and put it back on the plate so as to create a soggy, chewy mess of dielectrically radiated chicken parm.

Had we not asked for the cp to be reheated, I am confident it could have tasted pretty good, though slightly tepid. So might Tesoro have the potential to produce a decent CP? Sure, but "an Italian treasure" Tesoro is certainly not.

Cost: $$$
Portion: 3
Chicken: 2
Breading: 3
Sauce: 3
Cheese: 3
Pasta: 2
Accompaniments: 3
Service: 2
Overall value: 2.5

I love DIK

Dupont Italian Kitchen ranks pretty high on our list so far, but I admit it does get extra points for the acronym (and for the awesome gay bar above it).

Cost: $$ (11.50)
Portion: 4
Chicken: 4
Breading: 4
Sauce: 4
Cheese: 4
Pasta: 3
Overall value: 4